um....

Ever allow someone to just get under your skin? I know everyone says do not even give a thought to those who make you want to stoop to their level but sometimes I just get snarky back.  It happened a few days ago... I made some statement about my past affecting me and then I got a snarky comment well why don't you just turn that bad past into some good... mind you this person was from that very past moment and knew very well what she was saying.  So I said a snarky statement back and well it felt good and then dun dun dun conviction came and well I wasn't feeling too hott about it. Yep. I was snarky... by the way don't you just love that word snarky? I do haha.  Anyways, point being I think I failed a lesson that I should be learning during my foot saga... it seems like it's never ending.  I think the lesson is about forgiveness.  I am back home, where I have been so brutally beaten emotionally by the dance world I knew and ex boyfriends ew.  I ran from it to nyc (which by the way it just breaks my heart I am not there right now but will be back sooner than I think) and I never dealt with any of the pain or hurt.  I was just expected to move on quickly... lemme tell you something... anytime you go through a heartache DO NOT rush into pretending to be okay because that problem will come and bite you in the ass.  Well, it did for me... in nyc I danced and got numerous opportunities but my past held me back to my fullest potential because I allowed it to. I never dealt with or cried about it. I am not one to cry although that has certainly been changing, eh call me a softy. I think being home has been making me really learn how to forgive those people and the other night I was given a test and yeah, I failed and got snarky snark back. It's almost like do I go and apologize to that other snarky person or just let it roll away.. she might not have even taken it as a snarky comment and then again I am plagued with the thought of she and those people who beat me emotionally probably don't even give me a second thought in their days yet I allow them to creep into some of mine... must be the time I've got on my hands with this broken bone... healing could not come any sooner! I miss being able to have some what of a life! I do have a life... I am breathing I can walk, well sort of and have the best roommates ever my mom and dad and two lil puppies... I just miss having my dancing and working life but maybe this is so I learn to deal with the emotional beatings for good... forgive but certainly not forget.  Move on but certainly remember the lessons learned and perhaps how not to react so snarky snark to the people of the past even if they were wrong.