Ever miss something so bad it made your heart hurt? You had that thing, that person for years... years it brought you joy, frustration, happiness, a way to express yourself, tears, some jealousy from others and maybe even yourself.  It was your outlet... your sense of security even though it may have given you a lot of your insecurities... but it became your passion... your hearts dream.

I'm missing that thing today... real bad.  Maybe it will come back, maybe it won't. Either way I miss it today and my heart aches.  If you have that thing or person today don't take it for granted because you never know when it can be taken away. I guess I also need to remember this...

.more love, less self. more faith, less worry.

My heart has been going through a remolding process ever since my broken foot saga (which by the way continues on but one day I will be happy to post about successfully overcoming it) in the meantime, I'll just blog about my disheveled life.  Yesterday, I had downtime during my babysitting because of a playdate... 2 hrs to be exact... 2 hrs of unexpected free time but with nothing to do.  I went back and forth  and was about to go shopping when I decided for some reason to go off to starbucks.  On my way I came across Sonya.  A homeless women in her 30s on the streets... I decided to have coffee with her.  I learned about her story and to type it all would just be too lengthy but she was just happy to have some coffee and a person to talk with.  I am not sure if I will ever see her again but I know my life became brighter yesterday.  After, I got off work another thing happened... an old man from mt sinai, clearly sick was hobbling along the upper west side trying to hail a cab.  He called for my attention... he was shaking and looked like he was coming off painkillers.  He showed me papers and ID... he was looking for the AIDS center downtown.  He was gay and looked at me with tears in his eyes and asked if I could help.  He quickly shared how he was from San Francisco. My heart broke.  I felt uncomfortable yet had to respond.... hailed a cab and gave the driver money and off he went.

I spent a lot of money yesterday and kind of had a panic... you see I am not that financially set being an artist and not to mention my foot keeping me broken (literally and financially) this past year.  I knew in my heart I had to help those people yesterday but then I immediately worried.  Today, at work when I got paid I counted to think how much I'd have for the week and then the family asked me to come an extra day! An extra day that will give me double what I gave yesterday... Crazy, how God works right? He always provides and gives back... When we are faithful we receive... I can't wait to see 2012 unfold more... more love, less self. more faith, less worry.